


Gone to the Farm

by 1_Cut_to_the_space4



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Animals, Attempt at Humor, Bob's a Clydesdale, Developing Friendships, Fire, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Jack's a raccoon, Mark's a ram, Pack Feels, Swearing, Wade's a rooster
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-24 23:11:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17109941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_Cut_to_the_space4/pseuds/1_Cut_to_the_space4
Summary: Mark, Bob, and Wade have lived on their farm happily as friends for years. Life was good, they could fuck around all day and their Farmer and Lady Farmer were great. Sure, Edgar was a bit of a dick but he wasn't too bad. Everything changed though when a fire threatens to burn the farm and the Farmers are forced to evacuate. The three friends are trapped until a raccoon named Jack falls out of a barrel and offers a solution. How will things end? Will they reunite with the Farmers or will the fire burn everything?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure, this whole story is inspired by Markiplier's video Horrible Adorable Betrayal: Ultimate Chicken Horse and watching hallmark animal movies at three a.m. So let's gooooo

“Wade, don’t you fucking move,” Bob threatened, lining up his shot.

“Yeah Wade, stay still,” Mark grinned evilly.

Wade shifted nervously on his feet. “Hey, uh, guys I don’t think this is a good idea…”

“Shut up Wade,” Bob stuck his tongue out in concentration, getting ready to throw. 

Wade was standing on a low rafter in the barn, Mark and Bob had been trying to throw a bucket onto him for the better part of an hour. Bob’s first throw had went through the window and hit something that sounded breakable. Mark was no better, not even making it close to the chicken which made Wade make fun of him for ten minutes. 

“Why are you trying to hit me,” Wade squawked when Bob pretended to throw the bucket. 

“Because it’s funny,” Mark laughed at Wade’s fear. 

“No it isn’t!!”   
“Hey, shut up you fuckers,” Bob yelled then threw the bucket. 

Wade jumped away with furious flapping and feathers flying everywhere as the bucket nearly hit him.

“Wade, you bitch, why did you move,” Mark protested, laughing.

“Did you expect me to just get hit,” Wade exclaimed, landing next to Bob who was laughing so hard he nearly fell over. 

“Well,” Mark began, grinning at Wade.

Wade glared at Mark and ruffled his white feathers, puffing them out. 

“What’s going on out there,” Their farmer yelled. 

The three animals froze, then quickly scrambled into their ‘normal’ positions.

Bob cantered over to his stall and flipped the latch up with his nose. Mark flopped down on the pile of hay and munched slowly. Wade flew back onto his roost, clucking loudly. The farmer opened the barn door and all the animals blinked at him innocently. He walked over to Bob and patted his neck.

“Jesus, it sounded like a raccoon got in here,” He laughed, rubbing Bob’s nose. The Farmer’s dog trotted in, a fat squat little dog and sat down by Mark.

“How’s that hay taste,” He barked, tail wagging evilly. 

Mark stuck his tongue at the dog when Farmer wasn’t looking. 

“Edgar, don’t bother Mark,” Farmer sighed, giving Bob one last pat then walked back to the door, whistling for Edgar. 

Edgar, the evil little fur caterpillar, gave the farm animals a smug look before following the Farmer. 

“I hate that dog,” Mark muttered sullenly.

Wade jumped down and landed next to Mark. “You’re just jealous that Farmer gives him those treats you always try to steal,” He clucked smugly.

Mark bit at Wade in retaliation.  


	2. Chapter 2

Mark and Bob were happily chomping on their hay when an old woman walked down the road towards the farm with a hound dog jumping around her feet.

“Isn’t that Ethan?” Wade asked, basking in the sun on Bob’s back. Mark looked up from the hay and squinted.

“Yeah, I think that is Ethan. I can see his blue collar.”

“That probably means Tyler isn’t far away,” Bob sighed, nibbling on some weeds. 

“Tyler’s not that bad,” Mark defended.

“I’m not saying that,” Bob protested. “It’s just that he’s a fox and Ethan’s a hound dog, although knowing his owner she probably thinks Tyler’s just an orange dog.”

Mark hummed and looked back at Ethan and his owner. 

“Wade, I can feel your claws digging into my back would you unclench? Jesus.”

Mark snorted when Wade muttered a sheepish apology. The Farmer came out with Edgar barking at his heels and greeted the old woman with a hug. He extended an arm, offering her to come inside but she visibly shook her head and laid a hand on his arm. The woman leaned in and whispered something to Farmer which made him jerk back, shaking his head. Mark took a couple steps closer, trying to hear what they were saying. 

“Mark, move you wooly bastard you’re standing right on the hay.”

Mark ignored Bob, stepping even closer. 

“What are they saying,” Wade jumped off Bob and stood next to Mark.

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem good.”

The woman and Farmer hugged briefly then she turned around and walked away. Farmer watched her leave then slowly walked over the Bob, Wade, and Mark. Mark watched him come closer, shoulders hunched and hands stuffed in his pockets. They were silent as Farmer unlocked the gate door and stepped in. Mark walked up to Farmer and bleated quietly, genting head butting him in the thigh. Farmer huffed a laugh and scratched Mark behind one of his horns. 

“Sometimes I think you guys can understand me,” Farmer smiled but it didn’t last long. “They’re not giving us much time, it’s getting too close, but I swear I will do everything to get you all out. I won’t leave you behind,” Farmer said fiercely. Bob was shocked to see tears in Farmer’s eyes so he nuzzled his neck. Farmer sniffled then smiled, “No use crying like a baby. I have to get shit done,” He said the last part to himself and walked back to the house. Mark glanced down at Edgar for some sort of clarification, but the black slug, in a rare moment of somberness, just shrugged. He was just as lost as they were. The morning slowly turned into mid afternoon and the little farm was eerily quiet. Farmer and Lady Farmer were packing things into their metal box, Bob insisted it was called a car but that sounded fake, and the animals all sensed something was happening. Edgar kept sniffing the wind, wrinkling his little black nose every so often. Wade managed to wiggle under the fence since he was the smallest and jogged over to Edgar. “What is it?” 

Edgar sniffed the air again but frowned. “I don’t know. I smell something but I can’t figure out what it is.”

Wade clucked nervously, looking back to the other animals.

“Wade, what are you doing out,” Lady Farmer chided him, shooing the white rooster back to his friends. 

“What’s up Edgar’s nose,” Bob asked Wade as soon as he flew back over the gate.

“He doesn’t know.”

Mark and Bob frowned, sharing an uneasy look. Farmer closed his metal box with a bang and began to walk over to the farm animals when a loud, flashing, red metal box peeled down the dirt road kicking up clouds of dust behind it like dust devils were following it. Two bright yellow people jumped out and ran up to Farmer. The three humans talked loudly, gesturing widely. Farmer yelled something and pointed to the three animals. One bright yellow human shook its head and waved a hand towards the mountains behind the farm. Farmer shook his head angrily and tried to walk to Mark, Bob, and Wade but the other bright yellow human stopped him in his tracks, placing hands up placatingly. Lady Farmer ran out to Farmer and grabbed his arm. They talked quickly and Farmer kept shaking his head. Lady Farmer placed a hand on his cheek and shook her head sadly. Farmer cried out and hugged Lady Farmer. One of the bright yellow people whispered something to them and Lady Farmer nodded. Farmer glanced back at the three animals who were watching with concern and fear. He placed a hand on his lips then waved at them, turning away quickly. Lady Farmer put Edgar into the metal box and gently guided Farmer in. She turned to the two bright yellow people and said something the animals couldn’t quite hear but the two nodded. Lady Farmer looked at the animals sadly and got into the mental box. It started with a growl and the three friends watched their farmers disappear down the road. One of the bright yellow people jogged up to the gate with something big and red. Bob and Mark backed away as the human came closer, Wade puffing his feathers out and hiding slightly behind Mark. There was a sharp crack then the bright yellow person opened the gate and propped it up so it would stay open. 

“Good luck,” It said sadly then ran back to it’s red metal box. The metal box began to flash and went the way it came. 

The three animals remained quiet until they couldn’t see it anymore. Mark was the first one to break the silence.

“Okay, what the fuck just happened?!”

Wade was busy muttering ‘fuck’ to himself so Mark turned to Bob. Bob’s eyes were wide, staring at the open gate. “I have no fucking clue Mark.”

“Why did that one human say good luck,” Mark asked, but Bob kept shaking his head.

“Are we fucked, are  _ we  _ fucked?” Wade squawked loudly, shaking slightly. 

“Guys, shut up,” Bob shouted, effectively silencing the two. “We need to think.”

“Think about how we’re fucked,” Wade muttered, shutting up when Bob glared at him. 

“Well, it’s almost night,” Mark pointed out, looking up at the sky.

“Thank you Mark,” Bob said sarcastically.

“Fuck off Bob, I meant that we can’t do anything when we can’t see for shit. We should bunk down and start tomorrow.”

“You’re just tired,” Wade taunted, walking under Mark.

“Lazy fuck,” Bob joined in.

Mark stamped his feet, making Wade hoot loudly and run out from under his feet. Bob laughed and Mark playfully butted one of his massive legs. 

“Fight me, future glue,” Mark snarked. 

Bob leaned down and huffed at Mark. “Whatever you say, future rug.”

“Can one of you just open the barn door,” Wade sighed, pecking at the wood. 

“Sure thing, future chicken wings,” Bob cackled and flipped the latch with his nose. The animals filed inside and settled down in the middle of the barn, too unsettled to sleep alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what started as a one shot has turned into eight pages on google docs so I have no idea how long this thing is going to be tbh.


	3. Chapter 3

Mark was happily dreaming about large open fields of flowers and Bob and Wade falling into a mud puddle when a crash jerked him awake.

“What the fuck,” He grumbled, blearily blinking awake. Something fell over and Mark jumped up, fully awake. The rustling continued by the grain barrels and Mark cautiously stepped forward. 

“Ow, fuck,” A voice cursed softly inside a barrel. 

Mark froze, not recognizing the voice. 

“Brave boy, time to be a brave boy,” Mark whispered to himself then rammed the barrel, hard. 

The loud crash made Bob and Wade jump up, scared awake.

“Mark, the fuck?” Bob yelled. 

The barrel rolled out to in the open. 

“There’s something in there,” Mark gestured to the grain barrel. 

Bob looked at the barrel and kicked it with his hoof. When nothing came out, Bob looked at Mark.

“Are you on something, eat any special mushrooms?”

“I swear, there was something in there!” Mark protested. While the two were arguing, Wade crept closer and peering inside. He saw something move but before he could say anything, a blur of gray and black rushed at him. 

“Shit!” Wade cried, flapping up in the air. 

Bob was the first to react, stomping out his hoof and stepping on the creature’s tail. 

“Ha, see!” Mark yelled triumphantly. 

“Let me go ya big smelly bastard,” The animal hissed, biting Bob’s leg.

“Ow you fucker, stop it!”   
Wade ran up and pecked it on the head.

“Fock, stop it!”

“What are you,” Mark asked, looking at the tiny and angry creature. 

“Fock ya!” It yelled, trying to bite Bob again.

Mark rolled his eyes and stomped his hoof close to it’s head. “We aren’t going to do anything jesus, just what the hell are you?”

The animal sighed, “I’ll tell ya if ya get go of me tail.” He glared up at Bob and Bob glared back. 

“Fine, but don’t try to bite me.”

Bob let go of it’s tail and stepped back. The animal curled its tail up protectively and sat up. 

“The name’s Jack, I'm A raccoon.”

Wade made a sound of disgust and Jack hissed at him.  

“What are you doing here?” Mark asked, staring at the small angry ball of fur. 

“Looking for food, duh,” Jack said slowly, like it was obvious. 

Bob bent down and tried to nip Jack. Jack glared at the large horse and swatted a paw at his nose. 

“More importantly, what are you fockers doin’ ‘ere?” Jack asked, looking at the three animals. 

“What do you mean,” Wade said suspiciously, maintaining a safe distance from Jack.

“Haven’t ya heard? There’s a big fire comin’. Everyone from the mountains to the city hightailed it the fock outta ‘ere.”

“Maybe that’s what Edgar smelled,” Mack wondered to himself.

“Why should we trust you?” Bob demanded, staring the little creature down. 

Jack shrugged, rubbing his paws together. “Do, don’t, it’s your funeral. But if ya stay here, you’re focked.”

“Farmer wouldn’t leave us here, right?” Wade asked nervously, shifting his feet. 

Mark and Bob looked at each other, unable to give Wade an answer. Jack felt his heart clench for the farm animals, the poor bastards looked so sad. 

“Look,” Jack sighed, scratching his ear. “Fire is fast, I’ve been running like the devil for the past week tryin’ to get ahead of it. Ya Farmer probably didn’t ‘ave enough time to get ya out.”

“That’s why you’re here, to get away from the ‘fire’?” Mark looked at Jack.

The raccoon nodded. “It’s gettin’ close. I don’t know how close, but too much for comfort.”

“Shit,” Bob grunted, frustrated. “Then what the fuck are we going to do?”

“I am not turning into literal chicken wings,” Wade said with conviction.

“No shit Wade, kinda figured that was a given,” Mark said snidely.

Wade half-heartedly pecked Mark’s leg. “Fuck off.”

Jack cleared his throat, smiling innocently when the three farm animals looked at him.

“What,” Mark raised an eyebrow. 

“I know where everyone’s goin’. It’s on the other side of town, you’re Farmer is probably there.”

“Let me guess, you’re telling us out of the goodness of your heart,” Bob rolled his eyes.

“Fock no,” Jack grinned. “I can show you where it is, if ya take me with ya.”

“Why would we do that,” Wade exclaimed.

Jack made a face at the rooster. “Listen, stay and you’ll be cooked. I’m trying to avoid that but me life span ain’t too long and I’d rather not be coyote food if ya get me.”

“You think coming with us is going to be any help?” Wade stared at Jack.

“I don’t think coyotes are gonna be stupid enough to try to eat me if they see those two big bastards,” Jack told Wade, pointing at Bob and Wade. 

“You know, you keep insulting us I don’t think you’re very nice,” Mark said haughtily, smiling when Jack sneered at him. 

“Well shit, the little furball is right. We can’t stay here if there’s a fire coming.”

“Exactly! We need to go,” Jack chimed in.

“Woah, woah, woah, who said you were in charge?” Mark exclaimed. 

“Do you know where to go,” Jack snarked back, looking at Mark expectantly. 

“...Fuck off.”

“Hey guys, does anyone else smell that?” Wade said suddenly, waddling to the barn door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normal uploading schedule? I don't know her.


	4. Chapter 4

Mark trotted over to the door and Jack scrambled up him and sat on top of his horns.

“Hey!”

Bob rolled his eyes and flipped the latch up. Immediately after the door was opened, smoke filled the barn.

“Jesus fuck,” Bob coughed, shaking his head. 

Wade ducked low to the ground and scooted out.

“It’s all smoke,” He yelled from outside. 

Mark’s eyes burned from the smoke and he turned his head away. Jack jumped off Mark and crouched. 

“We need to go now!” Jack barked, sneezing from the smoke. 

“Agreed,” Bob marched outside. “Wade, where the fuck are you!”   
“Right here,” The rooster wheezed, appearing next to Bob’s leg. 

“Hop on up Wade, let’s get the fuck outta here!”   
Wade flew up onto Bob’s back and grabbed some off his mane in his beak in order to hang on. Jack clambered onto Mark’s back and pointed towards the road.

“That way!”

“If you scratch me, I will buck you off,” Mark complained but followed where Jack was pointing. 

“Oh shut up ya big baby.”

Mark followed Jack and Bob followed Mark, their progress was slow since they couldn’t see much through the thick haze of smoke. Mark knew they reached the road when he stumbled over a rock.

“Ow, fuck!”   
“Mark where are you, did I just step on you?” Bob wheezed, holding his head down low to the ground. 

“No, I just tripped over a fucking rock.”

Bob snorted but did the exact same thing a second later. 

‘We’re almost to the forest,” Jack yelled, pulling on Mark’s ear.

“How the hell can you see,” Mark squinted, trying to see where the hell they were. 

“Just go straight dammit.”

Mark sighed and decided to trust the small rodent, putting his head down and barreling forward. The pair crashed through the bushes and went tumbling down a small hill. 

“Ow jaysus,” Jack groaned,trying to scramble out from under Mark. 

Mark rolled to the side and shook his head, finally out of the smoke. Jack began to stand up when he pointed up and yelled “BOB!”   
“Oh fuck,” Mark and Jack scrambled out of the way as Bob and Wade came crashing down in a mess of legs and feathers. Wade slowly stood up, blinking. “Am I flat?”

“Am I broken?” Bob wheezed from where he was splayed out on the ground. 

“We gotta get goin’,” Jack darted to Bob and began pushing on him. 

Bob sighed loudly and slowly got up, shaking the leaves from his mane. Jack jumped back on Mark and tapped his horn with one paw. “We gotta cut through the forest to a road. Once we get to that road, we follow it to your farmer.”

“Then let’s get going, I guess,” Wade clucked, flying up to Bob’s back. 

The animals walked through the forest, led by Jack. Wade kept glancing behind them, paranoid that the fire would rush at them any second. As Mark complained about getting a thorn in his nose, Jack looked back at Bob and Wade. 

“Wade,” He called to the chicken. “Fire’s not gonna run after you like a dog. You’ll smell it first.”

Wade nodded, looking slightly relieved. 

“How do you know that,” Bob asked curiously. 

Jack shrugged. “Just picked things up I guess, Fire’s a sneaky bastard. Y’all were lucky to get out when ya did.”

Jack went silent after that, staring out into nothingness. Bob and Mark looked at each other in concern. Jack quickly snapped out of his blank stare and grinned. 

“Don’t worry Wade, you won’t get your pretty feathers fried.”

“Thanks,” Wade said sarcastically. 

“Don’t mention it,” Jack quipped, looking smug.

Mark snorted, walking forward. 

“Aw fuck this shit,” Bob yelled, after tripping in the dark for the third time. Mark stopped and turned around, looking at where he guessed Bob was standing.

“What?” Jack asked. 

“I can’t fucking see anything.”

“We should rest,” Wade suggested. 

“But we can keep walking,” Jack protested.

“Not when we can’t see for shit!” Mark argued. “We don’t have special night version so we can’t see in the dark.”

“Well that’s not my fault,” Jack rolled his eyes. 

Bob huffed and kneeled down suddenly, causing Wade to fall off with an indignant squawk. Wade landed in a pile of leaves and seemed to give up on cursing and just closed his eyes. 

“Fine, go to sleep you lazy bastards,” Jack groused, jumping off Mark and curling up by a tree.

Mark watched the raccoon amble away from the group then, with a sigh, laid down next to Bob and Wade.


End file.
